look at me oh look at me is this the way i'll always be

Oh no.

deep in thought

i'm re-evaulating this entire montreal thing. once again I have been let down by family.

sinky heart feeling pt. 2

patient is flatlining, doctor do something!

clear!

*shock* ...

lookin' out my window

to build on something I wrote a couple years back. lots of time has passed since that one summer and to this day I continue to hate her for what she did. She crushed me and she did a terrific job. I also have deep seated hate myself; for falling for her, for not seeing the signs, for not doing more. Why'd she have to be such a sweet girl and have me thinking this way to what seems to be a lifetime later. alas, all of it and her are in the previous life, the calls, the dates, those little things. her and I haven't been friends since, nor have we tried, and won't be anytime soon. through all this hate, sometimes I miss her. when I look at a reminder or my mind wanders into her realm it's as if a string is plucked and I'm eagerly waiting to hear the note, but I never hear it. or a button is pushed in my central control room and I implode and die a bit inside. whichever simile or metaphor I put it into, the fact is she broke me good. The human heart is a peculiar device.

Hate is a strong word, therefore perfect for this topic, though I use the word hate more on the lines of 'resent'.
as another one after another fille comes and goes, I wonder if I'll ever feel that same way I felt about her.

[end scene with dolly out of her playing moonlight sonata]
[film runs out]

a fork in the road

I've been told I put my emotions into my work. He mentioned that as a negative and I haven't put much thought into it until now.
At this job maybe I cared more than I should have and could have kept my mouth closed more.
Pouring one's heart into what he or she does, injecting emotion and lighting it on fire with passion; is that a bad thing?
on one hand for a fact it tires out the soul, but the payout knowing you put your heart into it is huge. on the other hand the greatest business people have been stone cold emotionless shells. someone once told me "to be a good businessman you can't be honest". which in my case doesn't work. In the end, do I want to chase the riches & the fame, or would I rather be proud and honest. or perhaps could they meet halfway? (not gonna happen) I'm writing this because I've noticed that I'm slowing freezing over (literally and metaphorically) and it's changing me, I'm not sure if I want to head down that path and lose something I won't be able to get back.

good morning, good vibes

amazing track that makes mind think about an amazing girl,
too bad I have yet to meet her.