I shall be telling this with a sigh 

Somewhere ages and ages hence: 
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- 
I took the one less traveled by, 
And that has made all the difference

-- Robert Frost

mathematic rhythm

a beautiful raw pattern of noises.

these girls know what I mean.

eastbound...

one phone call to my brother and I was teling him about my troubles, he offered me to come over to montreal. the idea of moving to montreal for a year and schooling in quebec. new city, new life. lately that sounds extra tempting, the idea of getting out of vancouver, this city is getting stale as much as I love it. I need to get away from my parents, all to preserve our relationship as odd as that sounds.
not many people know but I really miss him and when I'm really down the thing I want the most is to hop on the next flight to Montréal–Pierre Elliott Trudeau International Airport. I think I'll let the idea sink in for awhile. for sure I'll be in Montreal in the spring to meet my niece for the first time.

... in the meantime, back to the grind, vancouver state of mind.

barely in love

Wong Kar-Wai

untitled

day to day

this life

our way 

life is hard

will push 

and shove

only guarantee 

is death

it will hurt

shows no mercy

excruciatingly

frustrating at times

not fair

but all we get

is one life

good luck

make it count

dreams

around this time last year, I stopped dreaming. Or I couldn't remember my dreams.

those abstract pieces of my psyche that took form in the night. I lost that priviledge and at the time I didn't put too much thought into it. 

dreams for me were on and off. sometimes several sequences a sitting or I simply woke up and found myself in my bed. 

but these last couple of weeks my dreams came back. almost every night I'd be taken places near and far. and now I realize how much I missed them. 

wherever my dreams went doesn't matter, as long as they're back now.

figured this was something worth mentioning.

how did I almost forget?

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

tired

I can't seem to interact with people lately. I took this Myers-Briggs Type Indicator that rye pointed me to and it told me i'm an extrovert, but at this point people really tire me out. I can't even seem to talk to the one person i'm obliged to.

the upside is its a great mentality to chase paper.

what happened to family?

Makes me really wonder if its just how I've been raised or todays watered down term of the word family. or even if its just me that takes the word too close to heart. From what I see it's all gone down the drain. Sick of this closed mindedness in the wrong direction followed by retaliation in form of put downs. Honestly I have no idea what to do and it frustrates me.

I need a talk with my brother. any brother. sigh.

"close your mind, close your eyes, see with your heart"

.

"I hate a song that makes you think that you are not any good. I hate a song that makes you think that you are just born to lose. Bound to lose. No good to nobody. No good for nothing. Because you are too old or too young or too fat or too slim too ugly or too this or too that. Songs that run you down or poke fun at you on account of your bad luck or hard traveling. I am out to fight those songs to my very last breath of air and my last drop of blood. I am out to sing songs that will prove to you that this is your world and that if it has hit you pretty hard and knocked you for a dozen loops, no matter what color, what size you are, how you are built, I am out to sing the songs that make you take pride in yourself and in your work. And the songs that I sing are made up for the most part by all sorts of folks just about like you. I could hire out to the other side, the big money side, and get several dollars every week just to quit singing my own kind of songs and to sing the kind that knock you down still farther and the ones that poke fun at you even more and the ones that make you think you've not any sense at all. But I decided a long time ago that I'd starve to death before I'd sing any such songs as that. The radio waves and your movies and your jukeboxes and your songbooks are already loaded down and running over with such no good songs as that anyhow." - Woody Guthrie

the love movement

I'm having too good of a summer to write anything.

"leave the past where it belongs"

july & me

we don't really get along. sad/bad/mad things happen to happen on this month, besides the endless sunshine and bountiful heat.

At least it's almost over. phew.

consequence

as of late, i've been spending lots of time alone and i've been looking at things from different angles.
something i've come to across is, like it or not, you reap what you sow.
may it be good or bad seeds you plant you're stuck with it. this is starting to sound a bit on the lines of karma, big difference is theres no easy way to undo the wrong. can't decide to donate to charity and hope other aspects of your life improve, if mistakes are made mistakes won't go away unless they're fixed, and usually they're a lot harder to fix than to make.

I've made tons of mistakes, planted plenty of bad seeds over the years, i'm trying to fix the wrong, but somethings will always be a bit broken. all I can really do is repent and not make the same mistakes.