good morning, good vibes

amazing track that makes mind think about an amazing girl,
too bad I have yet to meet her.

sitting still

Can't stand this. i'm over here and all but things aren't moving as quickly as I want them to. I need to get moving but my brother and I aren't on the same level, i'm getting antsy sitting here in the middle of the ocean with no wind. I got things to do over here and can't be waiting on standby. 

With all said there's a lesson in all this, fate is in one's own hands, and I feel much better deciding where mine goes.

I'm wasting time, precious time.

sinky heart feeling pt. 1

a tiger doing what tigers do and then suddenly ...

he falls to the floor. breathing barely, hands clammy and lips turning blue.

new years resolution

be happy :)

no regrets

boxing day at oakridge: asking girl out, geting rejected, quitting my job, seeing my ex, and having a beer with someone I look up to.

it's one of those days I won't ever have any regrets about.
woke up and was tempted to not come in, as angry as I was with work for completely screwing me over for this week's schedule. I went anyways, as badly as I wanted to sleep in I wasn't going to stoop to their level.
this foreign exchange girl from germany that i've met a couple times comes in and buys a pair of sneakers. on the way out I ask her when she's back to school and if we could grab coffee sometime. she says she has a boyfriend. I apologized and said bye for what probably is the last time I'll ever see her again.
bounced the line-up to get into sneakerbox and had good conversations with good people about their xmas. at the end of the day I did the usual garbage/cardboard run downstairs to the compactors and I ran into my ex on her way out of browns. I asked if she wanted to come downstairs with me. she said she hates the smell downstairs. I get the message.
came back, quit my job and told 'em I won't be coming in next week; the most liberating feeling in the world.
afterwards I hopped on the skytrain downtown and headed to the japanada house for a post xmas party. had a beer with paul and chatted about life.

ya see, it's one of those days I needed to write down.

farewell

the hardest part of leaving vancouver, was basically the fact that I had to put my vancouver life on pause. that's the factor that always inhibited me from going anywhere. lately some push factor and a couple pull factors to montreal, have made putting vancouver on pause a really good choice. I've said it before and i'll say it again, this city is stale. I really miss my brother, and he needs me right now, peace!

I quit my 9-5 today, started packing my bags and i'm booking my ticket for next week.

I got ambition, I got youth, what could possibly stop me now?

Runnin'

I shall be telling this with a sigh 

Somewhere ages and ages hence: 
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- 
I took the one less traveled by, 
And that has made all the difference

-- Robert Frost

mathematic rhythm

a beautiful raw pattern of noises.

these girls know what I mean.

eastbound...

one phone call to my brother and I was teling him about my troubles, he offered me to come over to montreal. the idea of moving to montreal for a year and schooling in quebec. new city, new life. lately that sounds extra tempting, the idea of getting out of vancouver, this city is getting stale as much as I love it. I need to get away from my parents, all to preserve our relationship as odd as that sounds.
not many people know but I really miss him and when I'm really down the thing I want the most is to hop on the next flight to Montréal–Pierre Elliott Trudeau International Airport. I think I'll let the idea sink in for awhile. for sure I'll be in Montreal in the spring to meet my niece for the first time.

... in the meantime, back to the grind, vancouver state of mind.

barely in love

Wong Kar-Wai

untitled

day to day

this life

our way 

life is hard

will push 

and shove

only guarantee 

is death

it will hurt

shows no mercy

excruciatingly

frustrating at times

not fair

but all we get

is one life

good luck

make it count

dreams

around this time last year, I stopped dreaming. Or I couldn't remember my dreams.

those abstract pieces of my psyche that took form in the night. I lost that priviledge and at the time I didn't put too much thought into it. 

dreams for me were on and off. sometimes several sequences a sitting or I simply woke up and found myself in my bed. 

but these last couple of weeks my dreams came back. almost every night I'd be taken places near and far. and now I realize how much I missed them. 

wherever my dreams went doesn't matter, as long as they're back now.

figured this was something worth mentioning.

how did I almost forget?

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

- Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)