lookin' out my window

to build on something I wrote a couple years back. lots of time has passed since that one summer and to this day I continue to hate her for what she did. She crushed me and she did a terrific job. I also have deep seated hate myself; for falling for her, for not seeing the signs, for not doing more. Why'd she have to be such a sweet girl and have me thinking this way to what seems to be a lifetime later. alas, all of it and her are in the previous life, the calls, the dates, those little things. her and I haven't been friends since, nor have we tried, and won't be anytime soon. through all this hate, sometimes I miss her. when I look at a reminder or my mind wanders into her realm it's as if a string is plucked and I'm eagerly waiting to hear the note, but I never hear it. or a button is pushed in my central control room and I implode and die a bit inside. whichever simile or metaphor I put it into, the fact is she broke me good. The human heart is a peculiar device.

Hate is a strong word, therefore perfect for this topic, though I use the word hate more on the lines of 'resent'.
as another one after another fille comes and goes, I wonder if I'll ever feel that same way I felt about her.

[end scene with dolly out of her playing moonlight sonata]
[film runs out]