a sobering thought

*sigh* for the moment i'm hopeless. i'm lost.

first of all i've been so damn busy. forgetting this and missing that. always running around and basically running in circles. I'd be thankful if I had any form of routine right now. too bad I adios'd goodbye to that long ago.

I'm not focused. it's true, I have to concentrate and take all this energy running in circles and run a marathon, because time is ticking and june along with that word I dread will signify the end. To me it's easy to relate the play "Our Town" to senior year, people running around pointlessly when they should take a second to look at one another. In other words i'm comparing Graduation(...I said it) to death.

"Oh, [HIGHSCHOOL], you're too wonderful for anybody to realize you!"

After 3rd block mom drove me downtown during my spare for the interview at Puma dressed as so;

Was almost late thanks to downtown traffic and I ended up waiting for Peter(the manager) for about ten minutes. he takes me to the backroom and throws some curveballs; what would you do to prevent theft? and same question except with co-workers and also asked if I thought an employee caught stealing once deserved a second chance. that one I told him straight-forwardly that if trust is compromised, then they cannot be trusted and therefore no good. The questions threw me off a bit and I could've been more firm with my answers. to me, he's came off a bit intimidating, said hours given are based on performance and attitude, and he talked a bit of himself and said he won't be afraid to call you out on your mistakes. he's a nice guy, and we have a chat about puma's huge demographic after the interview in the back room but I can tell he's hesitant. So it's in the air. me, with absolutely no retail experience but with geniune intrest in puma and lots of customer experience. that only gets you so far. I hope I get it, though right now it can go either way. Anyways Peter said he'd give me a call friday.
Friday is also my driving test! 11:45, being picked up by my teacher at 9:45 for a two hour final lesson.
I know I can pass, all I need to do is stay calm.

Tonight was the winter dance showcase, and the younger kids in the bboy club killed it on stage. I'm really proud of what they did tonight. Mostly they're korean and I call them punks and yell at them for being lazy, but to be just, they practice hard. As I did for a period in my life... boy do I miss those days in the old studio where I'd let it spill on the floor, with both double doors wide open, inviting that cold, dark winter air, with little to nobody to practice with. falling out is a horrible feeling and I've seen it happen, figured they'd chosen to fall out, but when life has it's way with you, like it or not.

EDIT: eff that when did I give up without a fight, taking life's reins and telling it to it's face or it's kneecaps. huge reform has GOT to happen.